Tuesday, January 22, 2013

THIS Pregnancy

I have been pretty quiet about my current pregnancy to this point, aside from announcing it the very day that I saw that double pink line that is. I think after multiple miscarriages there tends to be a fear of  "jinxing it." I had this very irrational idea that if I talked about my pregnancy before "x" number of weeks I would miscarry. Since joining a support group for pregnancy after loss I have learned that this feeling isn't unusual and now that I have reached that magical number, which for me was 16 weeks pregnant, I feel that I can talk about it. Actually reaching 16 weeks wasn't the milestone so much as reaching 16 weeks and hearing the heartbeat and having my midwife tell me the baby is a-okay. So, here is my pregnancy to this point:

I started my pregnancy with very high health expectations, drinking herbal pregnancy infusions, walking for exercise, and eating a rather balanced diet. Well, winter came and with it the morning sickness and I was lost in the land of Sick, Tired and Cranky. These symptoms were probably exacerbated by the fact that in my previous pregnancies I could consume dairy with abandon, which was my morning sickness cure of choice. With cow dairy a no-go and goat dairy a little too strong for my sensitive palate, I was left with occasional cravings for fast food, so long as I ate slowly, and cereal with almond milk. Sometimes I would find a food that worked for a few days but then I would throw it up and that made it inedible. It just became a matter of fact that the moment I walked into the kitchen I would start either dry-heaving or throw up in the sink. Amazingly in the six weeks that I had morning sickness I only lost 8 lbs.

Aside from dealing with morning sickness, one of the things that was very difficult for me was my dear, kind, well-meaning friends would always ask how I was feeling (every pregnant woman hears this a lot) and when I would say, quite honestly, "sick, miserable, etc." they would say "GREAT! That means the baby is going to stay." Here I would just like to make a public service announcement: Morning sickness doesn't guarantee that you won't miscarry. I was sick even with my missed miscarriage where the baby died at 10 weeks. I was sick even after the baby died and it wasn't until a few days before I miscarried, somewhere in week 12, that I was feeling better. It is hard to know what to say to any sick pregnant woman but sometimes "Can I bring you meal?" is the very best thing and is always music to my ears.

Sadly, Pinzey and Posie had to go. Their  previous owner graciously agreed to take them back, so while we were out our investment, I could relax in the knowledge that they were being groomed by someone who had the time, energy and expertise to do a good job. I felt so bad that I wasn't able to give those rabbits the grooming time that they needed and really, if you have angora rabbits, you should be grooming them at least once per week, preferably twice. Andrew and I have decided to make a pact that we will no longer indulge each other in micro-homesteading with animals (aside from the worms, of course) until we have a house with a nice sized back yard and no HOA.

On New Years Eve, at 13 weeks pregnant, we were able to hear the heartbeat for the first time and for Andrew, that was the biggest relief in the world. For me, it just did not feel real no matter how hard I tried, possibly because the worrisome cramping that I had been having the entire pregnancy had continued with no sign of stopping. At week 14 I magically started to feel better. It was like a miracle how much better I felt, and then the little flutters that I had started feeling in week 12 really started to feel like baby movement. During week 15 I felt the baby kick my hand from the outside and it was such a surprise and a delight.

Today my midwife came by for my 4 month check-up and once again we heard the heart beat. More impressive to me was that my uterus had grown so much in the three weeks since my midwife had last visited and the top of my fundus was only two fingers below my navel. I had thought to have been feeling kicks up that high but couldn't believe it since my uterus should still be about 4 fingers below my navel. It was very validating that what I am feeling really is my baby moving about. Also it means that what I have thought of as my "pudge" is actually a baby where I just thought I was bloated. Fun stuff!

There is my pregnancy thus far. I am hoping this winter hurries up and gets over with so I can get on with my spring gardening plans: Potatoes! In just a few weeks we will have our anatomy ultrasound and maybe get a peek and our baby's gender. Things to look forward to.


  1. I am so glad that things are going well. I remember my uterus was up to my belly button by about 13w with my second. I remember being so surprised by that and when I told my mom, she said that the more you blow up a balloon, the easier it blows up next time. I pray for you and Sticky every night and look forward to more updates!

  2. I'm so glad to hear everything is going so well with you and the baby. Will you find out the sex of this one?

    1. If baby obliges we are planning to find out. We will have to wait and see!

  3. I'm glad things are going well! And I hope that you get an early spring.

  4. I'm so happy for you and that you are feeling better. I understand the jinxing thing. Even before my miscarriages I never told anyone I was pregnant until I was 6 months along. Just a personal preference but it seemed to make the time fly by. I hope Spring comes early for you.

  5. The sickest I ever was was with one where I miscarried...and yes, I was sick for the 3ish weeks between fetal death and the ultrasound where I found out... I HATE when people assume that sickness/symptoms = all is well. It is so much more complicated than that.

    I am SO glad you're past the scary point!! I'm so glad you're feeling movement! THAT was what made it really real for me. And I'm grateful to say that my first post-loss baby obliged my need to know he was ok by kindly getting hiccups every single day. I hope this little one will wiggle enough and in whatever ways work for you to have daily comfort as to his/her health. :)

  6. It's too bad about the morning sickness. I remember people saying that to me, that the pregnancy hormones are high so you're less likely to miscarry...I think, being my first pregnancy, that did make me feel a *little* better, but clearly not one of those things you say to someone who's had miscarriages. :(

    So has the morning sickness eased up then? I can totally relate to getting morning sickness right when winter hits. Man, that's hard. I could not wait for spring.

    I'm really happy you are this far along now, it's been such a long 16 weeks! Can't wait for you to get to 40! (Or something close to that) :)

  7. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! That's all I got. Just very happy for you.

  8. It's so good to see you happy, and know you and sticky are doing well. Morning sickness is the absolute pits. Glad that's over for you too.